The Saloon Chronicles
by chibikaty
Summary: A bar is where people gather. People of all walks of life. Apparently Teen Titans too...
1. Chapter 1

**Mistakes**

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, or anything else of genuine value.

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Jeremy the bartender was having a very strange day. Not that this was necessarily a bad thing. Normally his day was full of wrestling car keys from disgruntled drunks, preventing fist fights with a swing of his broom, and cleaning barf off the floor (his small pub didn't have any other employees to do the dirty work). But ever since a certain customer had walked into the bar, everyone had been on their best behavior. People drank in moderation, called a taxi to ride home, and no one even thought about starting a fight. A few customers left, but they were mostly the troublemakers anyway, so it was no big loss.

Still, Jeremy couldn't figure out why Robin, the boy wonder, leader of the Teen Titans, was in his bar apparently trying to get drunk by downing glass after glass of Coca-Cola.

Jeremy was just grateful that he hadn't asked for any alcoholic beverages. He didn't know if he would have had the nerve to ask for ID.

But while Robin hadn't been any trouble, it was getting late, and Jeremy wanted to close up for the night. Unfortunately, the teen superhero showed no sign of moving from the stool where he had been sitting all evening, hunched over his drink ignoring the world.

Jeremy didn't have much experience with heroes, but he was familiar with all the reasons why people came to bars. Many of the depressed types simply wanted someone to talk to. Jeremy, on the other hand, simply wanted to go home, which he couldn't do until everyone left the bar. So he marched over to where Robin was sitting and asked, "What's wrong?"

There was no response. He repeated the question.

Finally, Robin raised his head and looked up at Jeremy through bleary eyes. "It's nothing that you'd want to hear," he said flatly.

"Try me. I've heard a lot of things in my line of work."

Robin looked skeptical, but like Jeremy had suspected he seemed to want to confide in someone. "Well, you see…" he paused dramatically "…I made a mistake."

Jeremy waited, but nothing more seemed to be forthcoming. "That's all?" he asked incredulously.

Robin's eyes flashed. "A lot of people could have been hurt!"

"But were they?"

"Well, no."

"Then just learn from it and move on."

"But he's still out there! Who knows what he could do!"

"Who?"

"Red X!" The name was spit out with intense bitterness.

Jeremy frowned. "I think I heard about him in the news. What, did you let him escape?"

"Worse. I created him."

Jeremy made his trademarked "encouraging noise" and Robin continued.

"A while back, I created the identity- and equipment- of Red X in order to infiltrate a criminal plot. It didn't work. But later, someone snuck into Titan's tower and stole the suit. Now he's using it to steal things, and it's all my fault!"

"So, you think Red X is innocent?" Jeremy asked.

"What? Of course not!"

"Then his actions aren't entirely YOUR fault, are they?"

"Well, no. But if I hadn't made the suit in the first place, none of this would have ever happened! I can't believe I was so stupid!"

"Why didn't you just destroy the suit after your plan failed?"

Robin blinked. "Umm…I guess I just forgot. I meant to get around to it."

"Well, that was your real mistake. Take a lesson from it: Don't leave dangerous equipment lying around. You got off fairly lightly- at least you ended up with a thief not a killer. Everyone messes up sometimes, it's learning from your mistakes that's important."

Robin smashed his fist against the table. "But it's too late! All Red X's thefts are on my hands!"

"Nonsense. If this guy was good enough to sneak into your tower and steal from you, he would have been able to make it as a thief without any help. In fact, he probably only took the suit to tick you off."

Robin moaned. "Well, he certainly made a fool out of me!"

"How do your teammates feel? Do they blame you?"

"Well, not for Red X stealing the suit. I suspect some of them thought it was sort of amusing."

"They sound like good friends."

"For making fun of me?"

"Sometimes showing us the humor in our mistakes is what friends are for."

"Are you saying mistakes can have a positive side?" Robin sounded utterly taken back by the notion.

"Everything always has a positive side for someone. For example, I bet the criminals are grateful for every time you screw up."

Robin actually laughed. "You know, I do feel kind of better now."

"Glad to hear it." Jeremy smiled. "Now stop angsting all over my bar and go home!"

As Robin vanished into the night, Jeremy breathed a small sigh of relief. At least that hadn't been as bad as the time Slade paid a visit…

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Author's Note:

Sometimes I think Robin could use a shrink, but it was even more fun to put him in a bar. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my poor story!

If you liked it, feel free to check out "Diary of an Ordinary Citizen" my other Teen Titans humorfic. (Also, I have more chapters forthcoming.)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, and I don't own Slade either.

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Kids These Days

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If the night Robin came to Jeremy's bar was unusually quiet, the night Slade dropped by had been reminiscent of a funeral. Patrons took one look at the masked man and scurried out of the bar. Jeremy sadly watched them go, unable to blame them for their cowardice. Unfortunately, it didn't look like he was going to be able to make a profit tonight. After all, he only had one customer, and after taking up the entire bar all evening, the supervillian appeared to be about to leave without paying.

As Slade began to get to his feet, Jeremy was between him and the door in a flash, an instinctive reaction. Just as the dark figure's solitary eye met his, it occurred to Jeremy that asking for money would probably be a very bad idea.

Hastily, he blurted out, "Would you like to talk about it?"

This was the time-honored line that Jeremy had used on many difficult customers, so it slipped out of his mouth before his brain could remind him that psychopaths weren't just "difficult customers".

Slade paused. Jeremy wondered if he was about to die. After ten heart-stopping seconds the armored man demanded, "Talk about what?"

"Umm…err…whatever it is that has you here, now. In a bar."

"That's none of your business."

"Then…complaining about your love life or your family is another popular one."

"I have no such personal connections. They only make you weak."

"Sounds like that's a story in and of itself."

"You think I have 'family issues'?" Surprisingly, the villain sounded rather amused.

Jeremy shrugged dismissively. "Oh, everyone has issues of some sort or another. In fact, everyone would probably be considered insane according to at least one other person on the planet. That's what keeps life interesting, even if it does create problems sometimes. But problems are part of life."

"Would you consider five annoying teenagers to be an inevitable 'part of life'?"

"Ah, the younger generation. Another old problem. I know all about that one."

"I doubt you know anything about my obstacles and dilemmas."

"You'd be surprised. Everyone has been on the wrong side of the generation gap at one time or another. Me, I always have kids coming in here trying to buy drinks, with fake IDs or without. Some of them are really clever, and twice as persistent as they'd be if it wasn't illegal. So what can I do? I have to try to stop them, even though I know the challenge just eggs them on."

"I've found psychological tricks and physical damage to be quite effective."

"Really? You don't want to go too far, you know. They're just kids. In fact, I kind of find the whole thing rather amusing. There's something refreshing about a bunch of spirited teenagers, and I enjoy the challenge of matching wits with them. You win some, you lose some, but don't let it get you down. When it comes to teenagers, all adults can hope to do is survive them."

Jeremy paused, no longer sure what they were talking about anyway. He managed a weak smile. "Well, good luck mister," he said, stepping out of way so he no longer blocked the door.

Again, the single eye turned its gaze on him, seeming to sear his skin. "You're certainly an interesting person," a raspy voice stated. Then between one blink and another Slade was gone.

Jeremy breathed a sigh of relief, then went to clean up. But to his surprise, he saw on the table something that hadn't been there before.

Eighty five dollars and seventy two cents was resting on the counter. Exactly the amount of Slade's bill.

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P.S. Since then, Slade has not made another visit to Jeremy's bar. However, if he ever does come back, Jeremy plans on trying to persuade him to leave a tip too.

* * *

Note: This is technically supposed to take place before Chapter One, even though I wrote it second. I didn't originally plan this, but after the end of part one, I couldn't stop wondering what exactly had happened the night Slade visited the bar. Next time, I'll get back to the Teen Titans.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.

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The End of the World

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It was a typical evening at the bar. Loud and noisy, but basically cheerful, and no one had started any trouble, which Jeremy, the bartender and owner, was grateful for. Actually, Jeremy was the only one who wasn't his normal self. He seemed jumpy and restless, and kept glancing at an empty corner of the room, then looking away.

Something was bothering Jeremy. It had been worrying at him all evening, like an itch he couldn't scratch. Only less painful, and more puzzling.

He glanced towards the corner again. And there she was. Raven of the Teen Titans, in full costume. Sitting in his bar, staring off into empty space.

Oddly enough, she had been sitting there for hours, without talking to anyone or buying anything. Bartenders as a rule didn't like customers who didn't spend any money, but Jeremy was the type that let them get away with it. It wouldn't have been out of character for him to slip them a free drink on the sly if they looked really down on their luck.

So it wasn't money that was bothering Jeremy. The fact that a superhero (and an under-aged one at that) was frequenting his tavern didn't even surprise him. He had become painfully accustomed to the strange customers who seemed to plague him.

No, what had Jeremy so unnerved was the fact that he seemed to be the only one to be able to see her.

He had first grown suspicious when he noticed that everyone was acting, well, normal. The last time he had a masked visitor things had gotten very quiet, and there had been a lot of staring and whispering. Gradually, it dawned on Jeremy that he was the only one who could see the caped girl.

The worst thing was, this wasn't the first time it had happened. Last week, there had been a strange blue alien who only spoke Latin. Before that, a normal looking kid had strolled in and tried to make off with a few beers. When Jeremy had demanded that he put them down, the teenager had exclaimed, "You can see me?" then ran away, dropping the bottles. As they shattered on the floor everyone had tried to figure out who had thrown them. Apparently no one else had seen the boy. And then there had been that guy with the car that seemed to be alive…

Jeremy was beginning to wonder if he was going insane.

As was typical of Jeremy, he took a philosophical perspective towards insanity. It was best to assume you weren't crazy until proven otherwise. So Jeremy decided he was sane, and he wanted some answers.

It was with this in mind that he approached Raven, waiting until the bar was closed so he wouldn't have to deal with any uncomfortable questions about why he was talking to thin air.

"So, why can't anyone else see you?" he asked bluntly.

She didn't seem surprised. Perhaps she had noticed him looking at her earlier. "I cast a light refracting spell on myself. Do you know why it didn't affect you?"

"No. Actually, a lot of similar things have been happening to me recently."

She scrutinized him. "Well, maybe you're psychically sensitive."

"This never happened to me before!"

"Before you worked here? That doesn't surprise me. Actually, this place is a psychic epicenter. It attracts ripples through reality. Things which shouldn't exist, like magic, are drawn here. This place also gives off a lot of energy. Actually, it might be that prolonged exposure to the weird vibrations here has made you more sensitive to things most people don't see."

"Great," Jeremy muttered. "That would explain why I got this place so cheap."

"There's nothing I can do about it, I'm afraid."

"Is that why you came here? To check out the strange energy?"

"Actually, no. I didn't even notice it until I'd been here a while. The energy here is purely natural so it's very hard to spot." She hesitated. "Actually, it was the sign outside that attracted my attention."

Jeremy had named his bar "The End of the World". There was no particular reason; it just seemed like a catchy name, and everyone he asked said they preferred it to "Jeremy's Bar".

Raven didn't precisely sound like she liked the name, though. She said the words in an emotionless monotone, the same way she'd been speaking since the conversation began. However, some instinct of Jeremy's made him think that something was wrong.

He pulled up a chair and took a seat across from her. "Is something bothering you?" he asked.

She let out a hard, bitter laugh. "The end of the world."

"At your age, everything feels like the end of the world. But sometimes it helps to talk about it."

"This really is the end of the world."

"Nothing is really the end."

"You don't understand."

"I'm not saying the world couldn't end. It can, and it will. Someday the Earth will be consumed by the sun; I heard about it on the Discovery channel. But even if that day was tomorrow, it wouldn't be the end of everything. There are other planets. It would just be the end of life here."

"You sound rather casual about that. Doesn't dying bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me. I don't want to die. But I'm not dead yet."

Raven stared at him through dark eyes. She seemed about to say something, then stopped. She looked sadder than anyone Jeremy had ever seen, and it spurred him to add, "Whatever has you so down will probably look better tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is what I'm afraid of."

"Well then, whatever is bothering you must not have happened yet. You know, it might not happen at all."

"Unfortunately, that's not true. I don't have the power to stop it."

"Then maybe someone else does. Look, I don't believe in any mystical garbage about fate and destiny. Nothing's happened until it's happened. Until then, there's hope. And even afterwards, there's hope. Sometimes hope is all we have, but it's always there." He hesitated, then added, "People can lose hope. Like you. But I want you to know that I'll hope on your behalf that whatever you're worrying about doesn't happen."

His words only seemed to make her more depressed, as if she found kindness painful to receive. "I wish I were dead." The words seemed to be ripped out of her. "I'd kill myself, if that would stop him."

"You're looking at things the wrong way. Once you're dead, it's over for you. After that you don't have the power to change anything. But as long as you're alive, the future keeps moving forward. If you die, if you give up, then you've lost your chance to change reality. But if you keep on fighting, then at least you won't have any regrets. I can't guarantee that everything will work out. But you can't guarantee that the future will turn out the way you see it. Even if you only have a one percent chance, just make the most of it. Fight your way up to two percent. And hope."

She was quiet for a long time. Then she said, simply, "Thank you." And with that, Raven of the Teen Titans got to her feet and headed towards the door.

Jeremy called after her, "You're welcome to come back some time! Tell me how things worked out for you and I'll give you a free drink. Non-alcoholic."

"I hope I can," she whispered as she walked out of the bar.

---

Note: By the way, the guy with the weird car is from my other Teen Titan's fanfiction, "Diary of an Ordinary Citizen". (Kudos to anyone who noticed). Just a little inside joke.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.

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**Freaks**

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As Jeremy mixed up a cocktail he warily kept an eye on the man sitting in the far left corner of the room. Not that the man had done anything…yet. But he happened to be wearing a coat with his hood pulled up over his face, and hadn't taken off his gloves despite the fact that Jeremy kept his bar quite well heated.

True, the man's bulky clothing wasn't that unusual given that it was February. In fact, normally Jeremy wouldn't have particularly cared if one of his customers showed up wearing a clown costume. A good bartender knew enough to mind his own business. However, Jeremy had his suspicions that this guy was going to be one of "those" customers. "Those" customers had been popping up ever since Jeremy had first opened his bar. Sometimes they were just there for a drink, same as everyone else, but sometimes they were prone to morphing into strange creatures and causing massive property damage.

Jeremy really didn't need to fill out any more insurance forms…

So he kept an eye on anyone who seemed different from the rest of his clientele. He was becoming increasingly skilled at detecting "those" customers, and his instincts told him that this guy was another of the weird ones.

That was why, during a quiet moment, he decided to try to strike up a conversation. It was true that the man hadn't done anything worse than take up space without ordering anything, but it was better to be safe than sorry. And it was much easier to try to reason with someone before they grew horns or started spouting electricity.

His target was currently staring off into space, and he started with surprise when Jeremy plopped a drink down in front of him.

"Huh?"

"It's just water," Jeremy said firmly. "But I thought if you were going to sit here for two hours straight, you might as well have something to drink."

"Is it a problem…?"

"No, not at all. As you can see, I don't really have many customers on a Wednesday afternoon, so it's not as though you're taking up valuable space."

"Well, thank you."

In fact, they were currently the only two people in the bar. Jeremy generally used this time to prepare for the evening. The only reason he stayed open was because the few people who wandered in didn't take up very much time anyway.

This customer, however, was proving to be the exception to the rule. He stared at the glass, his head down, and made no move to drink. Somewhat irked, Jeremy turned away and went back to polishing the counter.

It wasn't until he looked away that the stranger lifted his glass and took a sip. And in the window, Jeremy caught a distorted glimpse of the face of Cyborg of the Teen Titans, bionic eye and all.

Instinctively, he whirled around. "You're…"

"Yeah, it's 'me'," the other said bitterly. Instantly, Jeremy realized he had broken one of the cardinal rules of bartending: never intrude on the customer's privacy. Obviously Cyborg had wanted to remain anonymous.

Trying to recover, Jeremy quickly asked, "Who are you?"

Surprise flickered on the teen hero's face. "You don't recognize me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jeremy lied. "I was just surprised by your metal parts."

"Yeah. Those." Cyborg said unhappily.

In fact, Jeremy had been fascinated with mechanics ever since he was a child. Unfortunately, the love was not mutual. Engines died when Jeremy touched them, and his remarkable ability to dissemble anything in less than ten minutes was not complimented with an ability to put things back together. But even knowing his own flaws, he couldn't help eyeing the half robot with a distinct interest.

"So, what's it like being part metal?"

"Great. Fantastic." Cyborg said with a sarcasm Jeremy unfortunately missed.

"I'll bet it must be fantastic! So, how do you feel about the latest advancements in false skin? Do they allow you to feel sensations the same as regular skin would? Do you agree with the opinion that pain should be left out of the sensor range or do you think it's an important warning system?"

Surprised, Cyborg commented, "You seem to know a lot about the latest technology."

"I read scientific journals. Well, I do when they're about robots."

"And I suppose you want to know all about what it's like to be a freak. The stares and whispers. The constant need for maintenance. The power failures. The threat of viruses. The never ending upgrades to keep up with new technology."

"Sounds wonderful…"

"It does?"

"Yes! I wish my job was as much fun!"

"Fun?"

"You're working with machines every day, aren't you? You love mechanics, right?"

"Well, I guess so."

Jeremy leaned over for a closer look. "Is that a sonics-based system?"

"Actually, yes."

"Amazing! I wish I could make something like that."

"But sometimes it hurts," Cyborg said quietly, "not to be thought of as human."

"I didn't mean anything like that! Besides, aren't those prosthetics you made what makes you human?"

"Huh?"

"Well, do you think a squirrel could build something like that? Or even a chimpanzee? Humans are tool-makers. That's what set us apart from animals a long time ago. And with your fancy tools, you may be the most human person I've ever met."

"I hadn't thought of it that way."

"Let me tell you one thing." Jeremy fixed him with an intense gaze and said with complete and utter sincerity, "You. Are. Incredibly. Cool."

Cyborg blinked. "Thanks."

Jeremy pulled out a screwdriver. "So, can I—"

"No!"

---

* * *

Author's note: Sorry the update took so long this time. Blame my slow beta reader! 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans

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**Full Moon**

* * *

Jeremy was having a normal day… which was actually quite out of the ordinary for him. After all, Jeremy's bar, The End of the World, was plagued by aliens, the occult, and superheroes. Jeremy mostly took this in stride. (He had been half-expecting something like this given how cheap the building had been.) Still, the mounting property damage was beginning to wear on his nerves, and he was glad for a little piece and quiet. Hence, when closing time came without any supernatural phenomena he breathed a sigh of relief.

Unfortunately, he had relaxed too soon. Just as he was sweeping up, he heard the sound of someone knocking on the door.

Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away.

No such luck. The pounding continued. Irked, Jeremy shouted, "Can't you read? The sign says 'Closed'! Besides, we have a doorbell!"

There was a slight pause, and then the room was filled with the sound of an incessant "Ding-dong! Ding-dong!" Cursing his big mouth, Jeremy tried to ignore it, but this was impossible when the person stopped releasing the button and simply held it down, creating a noise reminiscent of a fire truck's siren.

With a growl Jeremy put down the broom and headed towards the door. Whatever was behind that door might not be human and could potentially try to eat him (or worse, break another of his chairs) but Jeremy was willing to take that chance if it would make the noise stop.

Besides, maybe he would get lucky. Maybe it would just be someone asking for directions.

…Yeah right.

Whatever hope Jeremy may have had was extinguished when he opened the door to reveal a short person with his face swathed in a scarf that covered everything except his eyes. He was also wearing a heavy coat and gloves, an outfit didn't leave a single inch of skin visible. Granted, it was winter, but Jeremy could find no explanation for the sunglasses—that is, no explanation that belonged in a "normal day".

With a sigh of resignation, he said "You might as well come in."

"Thanks, man! I was beginning to think you couldn't hear me!"

"Oh, I heard you all right," Jeremy said sourly. "But in case you hadn't noticed, this place has closed. I don't suppose you wanted directions?" he asked hopefully.

"No, I'm fine. I just need to stay here for about ten minutes or so. Until the middle of the night."

"Look, kid—" the young voice had convinced Jeremy that this was a kid, and not a midget "—see the clock over there? It's already past midnight. Now why don't you go home?"

"Not 12:00 midnight. The middle of the night." When Jeremy raised a skeptical eyebrow, the other explained, "Look, humans assign days 'times' to make things more convenient for themselves. But in reality, days lengthen and shorten and the earth doesn't have a completely regular orbit. Hence we have daylight savings and leap year. My point is, the time '12:00 am' isn't necessarily the middle of the period when the Earth faces away from the sun. That time would change every day, because length of the night is constantly changing."

Jeremy shrugged. "Makes sense, I guess. Err…I don't suppose something is going to happen when it's 'the middle of the night'?"

"Right!"

"That's what I was afraid of…"

"And to top it off, tonight it's a full moon!"

"Werewolves. Wonderful."

"If you want werewolves, I can deliver!" Suddenly, the heavily coated young man was replaced by a snarling wolf.

The wolf started at Jeremy. Jeremy stared at the wolf. The wolf snarled and clawed the air a little. Jeremy just smiled politely. After a few seconds, the wolf transformed back.

"You don't seem particularly surprised," he commented.

"Believe me, Beast Boy, I've seen it all before."

"You know me? Awesome!"

"Well, your disguise kind of became useless when you turned into a green wolf."

"Disguise? What disguise?"

"The heavy coat…"

"It was cold outside," Beast Boy pointed out, shrugging off his jacket.

"But the sunglasses!"

"Don't they look cool?"

Inside, Jeremy sweatdropped. "Leaving that aside, what brings you here?"

"I'm looking for interesting phenomena, and I've heard you get a lot of that."

Jeremy nodded. "So, you were curious about the psychic epicenter?"

"The what?"

"Didn't Raven tell you?"

"Raven's been here?"

They stared at each other, then Jeremy asked "So why are you here again?"

"Simple. This book." Beast Boy pulled out a paperback entitled _Supernatural Phenomena in Jump City_. "I got it for my birthday, and I've been going around to all of the locations in it. Actually, me and Raven have a bet going about how accurate the book is. She says it's all bunk. Unfortunately, so far I haven't found anything to prove her wrong."

"And the book directed you here?"

"Several times, actually. It kept mentioning different places, none of which still existed. It took me a while to figure out they were really different businesses at the same location. Plus, it kept mentioning different times. But I did some calculations and realized that they were actually the same time astronomically."

"I don't think the time matters, actually. Weird things happen around here 24/7."

"But the real doozies happen at true midnight. Those are the ones that make it into the book. For example, the Harris Cinema started playing movies that didn't exist. With some 'unique' special effects. Then there was the incident with the grocery store and the vampires. Plus, Sandy's Used Bicycles and The Great Bicycle Escape. And there was a flower shop that just disappeared. Although it came back the next morning, just a little singed. Not to mention Chang's Sushi. You know, I didn't really believe that one. It was too far-fetched. But there is documented evidence about the giant octopus, and there's no denying that no one's seen or heard from Mr. Chang since then." He paused. "I guess it was a really bad idea to open his sushi place on the Winter Solstice, which was coincidentally also a full moon night, and happened to fall on Friday the thirteenth."

"So…you're saying that every business opened on this spot is always destroyed?"

"None of them have lasted longer than two months." Beast Boy saw the look on Jeremy's face and hastened to add, "But no one's died, except possibly Mr. Chang, and that hasn't been proven. Do you have insurance?"

"Yes, but I think they're beginning to lose patience after all the claims I've filed."

"How long have you been here?"

"Almost half a year."

"That's a new record. How have you lasted this long?"

"Try to reason with it. Then use sarcasm. If that fails, hit it with a broom."

"A pretty good plan. As for the big stuff, well, if I were you I'd fight fire with fire." He scribbled something onto his bookmark and handed it to Jeremy. "Here's the address of the place where Raven buys all her books, candles, and other junk. You should check it out."

"Thanks."

"And remember, when there's trouble you know who to call…"

Jeremy smiled. "I certainly do. So, any other interesting stories in your book?"

Somehow, they ended up talking late into the night. And when the flying monkeys showed up at 2:13 in the morning (aka the middle of the night) Jeremy was glad he'd let Beast Boy in.

* * *

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Author's Note: I know, I didn't have Beast Boy present any problems. It's not that I didn't have enough to choose from, I just prefer writing happy-go-lucky Beast Boy to depressed Beast Boy. So, this time Jeremy was the one who had the problem. Turnabout is fair play, right?


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Certainly not TT.

* * *

**The Oldest Problem**

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Jeremy never even saw it coming.

One second he was casually polishing a glass as he waited for someone to order a drink. The next, he was having the life chocked out of him by a red-haired green-eyed alien with a grip like a vise.

"Friend Jeremy!" she squealed. "It is so good to meet you at last!"

"Can't…breathe…"

"I am Starfire! I am very pleased to make your acquaintance." Despite being much shorter, the girl spun Jeremy around a few times, then threw him in the air. He landed on the floor with a painful thud.

As Jeremy got to his feet, he cautiously examined the girl in front of him. She was indisputably Starfire of the Teen Titans. She was also clearly smashed.

"Okay, who gave you a drink?" he demanded.

She giggled. "The nice man over there! But it was most strange tasting for root beer."

Jeremy marched over to the man she had pointed at. "You. Leave. Now."

The man looked up, startled. "What?"

"Don't even try to tell me you thought she was over 21. Look, I don't know what you were thinking and I don't care. Get out and don't come back."

"I have as much right to be here as anyone else!"

"No, actually, you--" Jeremy was cut off by a right hook to the face. He fell to the floor for the second time in less than five minutes. Really, he should have seen that coming, but he hadn't expected things to escalate that fast.

He just about to kick the other man's legs out from underneath him when he heard a voice behind him.

"You leave him alone!" A green glow lit the room. "I thought you were a nice man, but I was wrong!" The force of the explosion shattered several windows. The hapless drinker was blasted out of the bar, leaving the door in pieces.

The other customers took one look at the wreckage and scurried out of the bar. Not surprisingly, no one stopped to pay. Jeremy moaned as he calculated the money he had lost today.

Starfire bounced over to him. "Are you alright?" she chirped, holding out a hand to help him to his feet.

It was all too much to deal with. Jeremy's temper snapped. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he snarled. "Look at this place! It's a mess!"

Starfire flinched. The rebuffall seemed to shock her into sobriety, or perhaps her alien metabolism simply processed alcohol faster than humans. "I am sorry," she said meekly. "I will pay for the damages."

Jeremy instantly felt terrible. "No, I'm sorry. You helped me and I shouldn't be taking out my anger on you."

Starfire looked around at the wreckage as if she was seeing it for the first time. "I have trashed your store and chased away your customers. You have a right to be angry."

"That's the thing. I'm not angry at YOU. It's just that things have been difficult around here. The talismans I put up ward off mindless zombie type things, but they don't do anything about the other problem types, like magicians or aliens." He quickly added, "I don't mean you. You're 100 welcome. What brings you here, anyway? And how do you know my name?"

"My friends have told me about you. In fact, they were all most surprised to learn they had each been here before. I was the only one who had not, so I decided to also come and make your acquaintance."

"And you came alone?"

She twitched. "I do not need anyone with me! Most certainly not Robin!"

"Boy troubles, huh?" The oldest problem in the world, Jeremy thought.

"Perhaps. I have been hinting most persistently, yet he will not take the time see the movies or eat dinner outside the tower with me. He is always busy." She drooped. "I respect his principles, and yet… Sometimes I wonder if I am simply unattractive."

"Ridiculous. The problem is clearly with Robin, not you. Look, boys can be clueless. I wish I could tell you that it goes away as they get older, but it doesn't."

"What would you suggest I do?"

"Drop all pretenses of subtlety and ask him out. If he actually has the nerve to turn you down for work, short-sheet his bed and refuse to speak to him for a week."

"Is that how dating is done on Earth? I have been doing it all wrong!"

"Umm…close enough. Just remind Robin that working too long without taking a break is counter-productive. And if things don't work out right away, hang in there. He'll definitely come around- if he deserves you."

"I will do my best!" She paused. Suddenly the idea of asking Robin to take money out of the Teen Titan's budget to pay for her property damage seemed very poorly timed. "Err… About the money…" But she couldn't ask Jeremy to wait. It would be unpardonably rude. "I mean, I'll have to for you tomorrow!"

Jeremy smiled. "You know, maybe we can work something out."

---

Two Days Later:

"We're back!" Beast Boy cheered as he bounded into the bar. Robin, Cyborg, and Raven followed at a more sedate place.

"I hope we aren't intruding, coming here before you're open," Robin said.

"Not at all. You guys are always welcome here."

"I like your new sign," Cyborg commented. "Where did you get it?"

"Actually, a strange little boy with a lot of hardware on his back installed it for me. Payback for trying to steal my cash register."

Raven slid onto a bar stool. "Do you still remember that free drink you promised me?" she asked, gracing him with a rare smile.

"Coming right up!" Jeremy said cheerfully. "Would you like to sample my new fruit mix?"

"I deserve a drink too! Remember, I'm the one who won the bet," Beast Boy said teasingly.

Raven glared at him. "I ate tofu. I played stinkball with you. I even listened to you tell jokes for over an hour. Don't expect anything more out of me."

Jeremy laughed and began mixing another drink. In fact, he might as well make five.

"So, where's Star?" Cyborg asked.

"I am here!" Starfire stepped out from the back room, dressed in a waitress' uniform.

"You look…nice," Robin said awkwardly. Starfire beamed. She had agreed to work part-time at the bar in order to pay for the door and windows. In fact, she had already more than made it up to Jeremy by diffusing numerous "incidents" since she had started working. He was definitely going to try to persuade her to stay on.

The Teen Titans all seated themselves in front of the bar, and Jeremy set the drinks in front of them.

"Cheers!"

The End.

---

By the way, Jeremy did manage to persuade Starfire to keep working part-time, by pointing out to her that she could spend the money at the mall. Beast Boy also occasionally works there in order to fund his latest craze.

Jeremy has also hired some other workers. (And he's almost positive one of them is human.) He needs the extra help because he recently expanded "The End of the World" into a restaurant with a bar on the side. The Teen Titans have made it their new hang-out, in no small part because half the trouble in the city always ends up there anyway. Robin says it saves time to just stay there and wait for the bad guys to come to them.

Needless to say, Jeremy is very happy to have them around. In exchange for all the times they've saved the restaurant, he gives them all free drinks. They have their own booth reserved, and he even set aside a quiet area in the back where Raven can read in peace. He would give them all free food too, but Cyborg would eat him out of business.

The End. Really this time.

* * *

Author's Note:

This was supposed to be the end of the story, but I have another idea kicking around in my head that I can't let go. So I guess there's going to be an epilogue!

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I have not struck it rich since the last disclaimer, and I still don't own the Teen Titans.

* * *

**Villian**

**---**

"I give you my word: I'm over 21. Come on, you know I can't give you identification." Red X tried to look innocent and failed miserably. The armored costume and the creepy mask didn't exactly help.

Jeremy plunked a glass of milk down in front of him. "Here, you can have this. My treat."

Red X gave him a funny look. Jeremy hoped it was another "You can trust me!" look and not a "You actually expected me to pay?" look. The eyeless mask made it extremely difficult to tell.

Worst of all, there was no chance of a rescue if things got nasty. The Teen Titans were out of town fighting the Brotherhood of Evil, along with every other hero AND villain in the area. It figured that the one masked man who hadn't left town had ended up in Jeremy's bar. Typical.

"Cow's excretement? Give me a break, old man. I'm not a kindergartner." 

"No, but you called me 'old man' despite the fact that I'm under thirty, therefore you are a teenager. And I don't serve beers to teenagers. Feel free to try our selection of soft drinks."

Not usually discouraged, Red X asked, "Can I have those for free too?"

"No."

"I heard you give the Teen Titans free drinks."

"They occasionally make themselves useful. Besides, it's an employee's perk."

"I'm not in the market for a job right now."

"Believe me, I wasn't offering one. Now do you want to order or not?"

Jeremy braced himself for an explosion, but to his surprise Red X simply said, "Diet coke, small."

"It looks like this evening won't end in massive property damage," he thought…

…too soon. A smash sounded in the far side of the room. While Jeremy had been distracted, a card game had gone sour. Someone had broken a chair and looked ready to break some bones.

With a sigh, Jeremy went to get the broom (which doubled as both a cleaner and a trouble-discourager). But to his surprise, when he turned around Red X was holding the troublemaker by the scruff of his neck.

"I don't like to have my drinking disturbed," he was saying. "And I'm sure no one else does either. Now do you want to take this outside?"

The men were running towards the door before he even finished his sentence.

Red X smugly returned to the counter. "Oh by the way, here's the money for the chair," he said, throwing some bills onto the table. "I relieved the culprit of his wallet." He smirked. "So, was I useful enough?"

"The coke's on me, and so is anything else you care to order. As long as it's non-alcoholic."

Red X accepted this partial victory with good grace, and Jeremy didn't ask about any other money that might have been in the man's wallet.

In fact, Jeremy was feeling cheerful enough to try to start a conversation. "So ,what brings you here, when every other villain and hero in the vicinity is off engaging in an epic showdown?"

"Oh, that. The brotherhood offered, but I declined. Battles between good and evil aren't really my thing. I'm just in it for the money."

"And there's no profit in taking over the world."

"That sounded like a statement, not a question."

"It was."

Red X's voice revealed his bafflement. "Care to clarify that for me? I always assumed money would be easy to get if you ruled the world. It just didn't seem worth the trouble."

"Let's just say that I think taking over the world is easier than holding on to it."

"I suppose you're right. Even if they were captured, the Titans would probably manage to escape sooner or later."

"That's not what I'm talking."

"Plus, there are other heroes who would be sure to take notice if the Titans and their allies were defeated."

"That's not it either. Even if the brotherhood were the only ones with superpowers on the whole planet, they'd still eventually be defeated."

"You've lost me."

"Take a history class sometime. For example, look at Alexander the Great and Napoleon. Both managed to create empires which lasted only a few years. Even the Roman Empire eventually collapsed under its own weight, and in reality it covered maybe a quarter of the world."

"But none of those guys had superpowers."

"Superpowers are overrated. They had a better chance of holding on to their gains than the Brotherhood would. At least they had armies to spread across the world. How would the Brotherhood of Evil enforce their demands?"

"Knowing those guys, they'd threaten to kill anyone who defies them."

"So what? Maybe that works when you're threatening twenty people. It doesn't work so well with a billion people spread across an entire planet. Rebellions would spring up in less than a week, in multiple places across the world. People wouldn't attack openly; they'd use guerilla warfare and fade in among the populace. Even if the Brotherhood could put down one rebellion, what would they do if there were more revolts than they had members? Or people could just refuse to obey their orders. How would they even know, much less stop them?"

"Even if that's true, I don't see how ordinary people could take down supervillians. Madame Rouge, for instance, can morph her whole body. Even bullets wouldn't stop her."

"She still has to sleep. And quickly there would be no safe place to do so. You can't really rule the world and hide at the same time. You have to issue orders, and transmissions can be traced. Besides, everyone slips up sometimes. Dodging 100 attacks is useless if there's 101."

"You make me glad I stayed freelance."

Jeremy smiled chillingly. "I have a question for you. Suppose every super-powered person in the world, good and evil, fought a battle to the death with every ordinary person in the world. Who would win?"

"I'm not sure."

"The ordinary people. 100 guarantee. Think about it. Even if the superpowers kill their enemies at the rate of a hundred per second, they'd still collapse from exhaustion before they could kill six billion people. They wouldn't have a chance."

"Interesting point. Why do people need superheroes, then?"

"Because if they tried to fight that way the causalities would be staggering."

"So the superheroes are really just the world's first line of defense."

"Very true. You know, sometimes the stupidity of otherwise brilliant evil masterminds really amazes me. Such elaborate plans for taking over the world, no thoughts on what would happen afterwards."

"Generally I've found that most 'supervillians' are too arrogant to even consider that ordinary people could possibly threaten them."

"That kind of arrogance is usually fatal. In fact, the Titans are really doing the Brotherhood of Evil a favor. If the heroes defeat them, then the supervillians will either run away or be captured. But if the Brotherhood actually succeeded, I doubt one of them would survive. They'd take a lot of other people with them, but they'd end up dead never the less."

Red X raised his glass to Jeremy and then drained it. "I have to be going now, but this has been a truly fascinating conversation. We should do it again some time."

"I'm game. Err…perhaps I shouldn't be telling you this, but you do realize that this is a frequent hang-out of the Teen Titans?"

"I know. I'll only come by when they're out of town." He winked. "And I'll protect this place when they're gone."

"You're taking quite a risk. What if one of these days they come back early?"

"I love risks. Just leave the back door unlocked and nothing will happen that might damage your chairs."

"Deal."

"And about the beer…"

"No."

"You didn't even let me finish!"

"No."

---

The End

* * *

Note: I perceive Red X as having a troubled childhood where he was poor and possibly abused. This isn't because I'm trying to romanticize him, but because he seems to have a need for attention that could be a result of neglect. By that reasoning alone he could be a rich kid with overly busy parents, but he also seems preoccupied with money, so I think he was poor as well. Of course, this is pure speculation, but I wrote him with that background in mind.

As for why Jeremy is so friendly, well, to a certain degree he just wants to avoid trouble. But I also think that something about Red X is bringing out his parental instincts (not completely unlike how he feels about the Teen Titans). So while he certainly wouldn't help Red X commit crimes he won't give him away to the Titans either.

---

Ending Note: This should be the end of the story; I don't have anything more planned. However, if I get another idea later I might not be able to resist adding another chapter.

I'm not making any promises, but if you have any ideas feel free to tell me.

* * *


End file.
